INT. MY MIND
A short scene
INT. LOS ANGELES DERMATOLOGIST OFFICE – DAY
A YOUNG WOMAN sits in an uncomfortable chair, surrounded by bad art. She tries not to look at her phone, which is hard, because there are no magazines at doctors’ offices anymore, probably because everyone just looks at their phones.
What happened to Redbook, the magazine in which she first encountered the word “orgasm”? No one knows.
Behind a formica desk sits a RECEPTIONIST, studying an insurance card. The insurance card is for the Woman’s new insurance, which is worse than her old insurance. Even the card is flimsier. For some reason this makes her personally ashamed.
RECEPTIONIST: Ms. Kingsley? Your copay is $85.
The Woman gets up. She hands over her credit card.
WOMAN: (not thankful) Thank you.
The Woman stares at the shelves of Juviderm behind the receptionist and wonders what it’s like to go to the dermatologist because you want fillers instead of going because you’re Irish and the sun wants to murder you.
The Receptionist runs the card.
RECEPTIONIST: (handing it back) Here you go.
WOMAN: (defeated) Thank you.
The Woman sits down.
ANOTHER WOMAN, carrying a Gucci bag, EMERGES from behind the closed door that leads to the doctor part of the doctor office. She approaches the desk.
RECEPTIONIST: Would you like to make another appointment now?
ANOTHER WOMAN: I’ll just wait and call, thanks.
RECEPTIONIST: No problem. That’ll be $800. Would you like me to run your card?
WOMAN: $800?!
ANOTHER WOMAN: Excuse me?
WOMAN: What the hell are you spending $800 on!?
RECEPTIONIST: This is a Doctor’s office and that is none of your business!
ANOTHER WOMAN: I’m getting fillers! Can’t you tell?!
WOMAN: Aren’t you kind of young for that?
ANOTHER WOMAN: You’re never too young to look more young.
WOMAN: Hey, you do you, but just be careful. If you go overboard you’re going to start looking like a Real Housewife, and I say that as a fan, with love.
ANOTHER WOMAN: I actually think those women are beautiful!
WOMAN: Really?
ANOTHER WOMAN: Yes! They’re plump and young.
WOMAN: They look like they’re melting! I think some of the things those doctors do to them should be illegal.
RECEPTIONIST: Speaking of illegal--I’m calling the police on you!
ANOTHER WOMAN: You’re not allowed to call the police anymore! It’s cancelled!
WOMAN: (thankful) Thank you!
ANOTHER WOMAN: Except in this case—what you’re doing is wrong!
The Woman, freaking out, gets up from her chair.
WOMAN: But the doctor hasn’t looked at my weird mole yet! I’m here for real reasons!
RECEPTIONIST: We don’t care about your weird mole! The fillers keep us in business!
ANOTHER WOMAN: You should get a tan! It would help cover up that weird mole!
RECEPTIONIST: The police are on their way.
CLOSE UP on the Woman. She crinkles her mouth in a comical way and shrugs.
WOMAN: I hate going to the Doctor in LA!
FREEZE FRAME and FADE TO BLACK.
—
This really happened except for all the stuff everyone said after the receptionist told Another Woman she owed $800. The original Woman is kind of based on me, if you can’t tell.
I’d like to see AI write this kind of masterpiece!
Also, my friends Ellen & Dru made a fantastic short film, “Ellen Needs Insurance,” about the difficulty of keeping healthcare in the entertainment industry. Making the film allowed them to keep their insurance through the birth of their son, who is a little younger than my daughter. Link to the film here and accompanying essay here.
Wonderful! And the short film your friends made was so good. This situation is absolutely nuts.
AI is incapable of writing this Substack or the movie. Period. Full stop. It can sort-of act under direction but cannot write anything anywhere near as creative as this Substack or Ellen Dru’s movie.